That Mike Piazza. He'll do anything to distract a batter.
Fiction: Something Invented by the Imagination
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|Loved the current story.........would like to see the sequel with Michelle....trying different female forms........and Jim teaching "her" the magic.....so that the two of them might both become women......and fall in love with one another........so far the story's great|
|i love both your stories and would love to read more for they are so hot . this one about the doc making a woman please her neighbors could have been longer|
|Really really good, are you going to write more about our unlucky hero? I would really like that.|
|By far the best story here!The story flows well, the characters are well devloped, the writng paints the perfect picture, everything fell in perfect place. The "John" character works well as comic-relief. The aspect of him and Jenni hooking up was predicted early on, but was a good arc in the story. "Dale"'s devlopment works well too, his "metamorphis" into the female Dale, in complete contrast to other stores here, actualy evolves from within. He dosen't over night given into the female persona, it takes him a year to get into that character. Tot tell you how good this story is, it's the first sstory that has prompted me to write a review. I can say there are a couple areas that need help... 1. The timeline seems a bit screwy. Dale gets his hormone treatments in August, it seemed, whereas August is the time many students start school, but the story indicates Dale has been doing this at school for months already. The play and preperation for it seems to take a bit longer than it would in real life, and also seems to occur later than it is lead to believe. I would suggest maybe skiming through the story and straightening the chronolgy a bit, or maybe make it a little more clear.Also, I liked the flash-forward to three years later. I don't think we need to know what really occured here. We can logicaly assume that Dale continued his college education at the school, dated Leroy more and more, and Dale pursued his law-school dreams. Flashing-forward is a device we see used in many stories and movies as a means of resolving the story, without showing us the minutia. All we need to know is how Dale devloped into being a woman, at the end of tha first year he's excepted his fate, story's over, now we just need to end it. Good decison.Id like to see this story be a template, a guide, to how future stories in the forum should be. Down with hocus-pocus magicaly become a big-breasted slut with the wave of magic wand, or use of potions or other goof means. Lets devlop some CHARACTERS!Good job! Fantastic Job!|
|Just One Day Of Your Life|
|In the real world of pharmaceuticals, everythign has a side effect, you just hope that the beneficial effects outweigh the negative ones. The "one night only" company might be so secretive because its products have not been completely tested and approved by the FDA. No foods or drugs can be legall used on people untill this is done, it takes 15-20 years of expensive animal and human testing before that is done. If a company was selling such wonder drugs that are injested and used on the skin, they would be liable for incredible lawsuits if the drugs cause permanent harm, such as cancer. For an ending, I would like to propose that unknown to the company and eveyone else because of insufficient testing, that after prologed and repeated use of the product, at some point that vairies from individual to individual, the person's system makes one last transformation then becomes immune to changing back. Mike will get stuck.So what has Jay not tried yet? I would like Jay to see how Mike would do working as a stripper, giving lap dances and all that. A prostitute would be too cliche, but a stipper would be more interesting in that Jay could come to the stip club watch Mike dance, slip dollars in his breasts, etc. The cd could help Mike learn how to dance, talk trashy, and have a difficult time remembering things he learned in school, since he would have a younger body. It would be nice to give him a full vagina with a clit instead of a penis and femal chromosomes so at some point he and jay coudl get married and have a family, they being pregnant in this story should have prepared him for.Naturally the one night company gets sued into bankruptsy and goes out of business. All their products were confiscated by the FDA and destroyed...except that one last truckload.. nobody knows what happened to it...|
|One Month Only (Fifth in the 'One Night Only' series)|
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